Morel of the Story — Tess Rianne

The Morel of the Story

A guide to morel mushroom hunting

First thing’s first; Why Morels?

Morels are some of the tastiest and easiest-to-make-puns-out-of-mushrooms in the world. So divine a fungus are they, that they’re much closer in relation to truffles than they are to other mushrooms with their earthy, nutty, and woodsy flavor. (Save those words for the next time you’re trying to describe a wine that you know nothing about).

Currently, dried morels go for upwards of $20 a pound. Why the high price? Odds are if you *buy* morels (Ha, chumps) the price accommodates for the fact that these mushrooms were sought out across miles of land and time to be hand foraged before they were brushed, beloved and brought to you.

Morels also have some very lovely health components. Untamed Feast tells us that;

“… morels will generally contain significant amounts of Iron, Copper, Manganese, Phosphorus, Zinc, Vitamin D, Folate, Niacin, Riboflavin, and a decent dose of Potassium, Magnesium, Calcium, Selenium, Thiamine, Vitamins E and B6.”

Personally, I don’t know what half of those nutrients actually do. But from what I understand, basically, morels are good for you.

How to find morels:

Step 1) WHERE are they? : Mushrooms look for their home the same way you do; location, location, location. Where you’ll find your morels greatly depends on the region you live in. When looking for morels, it really helps if you live on planet earth- specifically in the Northern Hemisphere. Specifically, anywhere in the Northern Hemisphere. Are you there? Great, but now it gets really specific.

REALLY SPECIFIC: For example, in Eastern North America, they can be found along streams and under apple orchards. In the northwest, they’re found a year after a forest fire, and in the middle of the continent, in tallgrass prairies. Rocky Mountain morels can be found in parklike settings around Ponderosa pines in May, but in July you’re more likely to find them on higher ground. If you’re around our neck of the woods in South-central Alaska, you’re going to look for the forest fire areas of the last two years. Then you’re going to look for the bit of sloping ground that gets enough rain, but isn’t in marshland, that also doesn’t get too much direct sunlight, with lots of surrounding plant life, but not an excessive amount of new growth. (See how persnickety they are?!)
Once you find the location, pay close attention to every detail of that area; the amount of light, moisture, regrowth, foliage type, etc. This is very likely the type of ground that you’ll find harvestable morels in the future.

Step 2) WHEN: Which leads us to the when, which varies just as much as their location depending on where you are. Because you find morels in spring, as anyone who has tried to dress with the runway season’s styles will know, your local weather might not be as bikini-ready as others. In the deep south, morel spring begins in March, and late April through May in Virginia to New York, and late May to June for middle America. In Canada (do they even have spring?) you’re looking at more of a June and closer to a July for those higher elevations. Here in Chickaloon, we knew to start looking when the bluebells started to peak out of last year’s dead leaves.

Step 3: Be lucky. Luck is very important when looking for mushrooms. Studies have shown that it might help to find a rainbow, four-leaf clover, and wish on a shooting star beforehand.

Step 4: Identify: Do you have a morel? Are you going to poison yourself to death? - Spend the evening impressing your dinner guests without a night on the toilet with these pro pointers:

An edible morel (of which there are many varieties) will look like it was designed by a drunk queen bee with no handle on her wayward staff. A true morel has a chaotic beehive maze exterior and ranges in color from whiteish-brown and darker. It should be HOLLOW INSIDE THE CAP AND STALK. If it’s not, we’re going to have to ask you to put the mushroom down and back away slowly. The false morels are cleverly disguised imposters. The easiest way to tell a false morel is by the solid interior, but if you’re judging the book by its cover, it’s best to be sure which of the many types you’re looking for.
NEVER EAT MORELS RAW (You’ll turn into a toad… or something like that.)

DID YOU FIND THEM?!?

Pro Tip: Do not share the location of your morel treasure trove. Unless you really like the person. But even then think; Do they deserve it? Maybe you’ve missed their last five birthdays. Maybe they offered you their last fresh-caught salmon fillet. Think about it from their perspective. If you tell them your spot, how in debt will they have to be to you now? Do you want to put that hefty weight on their shoulders? Hmmm???

Pro Tip Part II: And if they do deserve it think- Will I regret it later? For instance; Are they a Gemini? Will they blab to all of their friends about where the treasure is buried the next time they have too many cocktails? And how long will they deserve this precious knowledge? If they leave their coffee cup in the sink every day for you to wash- will you still be happy about sharing this prized information with them? In the end, you might decide that it’s safest just to have this person (husband, mother-in-law, boss, etc) send you letters of recommendation from multiple credible sources just to be sure.

Additional Secrecy: Also consider wearing camouflage to then army crawl under the bushes when coming and going from your spot as to not draw attention to yourself. If you drove to the location, you might use fallen tree limbs and dead brush to hide your vehicle and tracks from wandering eyes traveling down the road.

YOU FOUND THEM!?! Celebrate. Pop some bubbly, and boogie with Kool & The Gang.

((discreetly (remember you don’t want anyone to see you!)).

How to Harvest: AFTER MAKING SURE THAT YOU DO INDEED HAVE TRUE MORELS AND NOT THE FAKEY FAKE POSERS; It’s best to trim your morels an inch from the base with your pocket knife. This allows for more growth the following year and less dirt to brush off of the mushroom later. They are fragile, so you’ll still have to dust the dirt off like someone uncovering an ancient artifact later, but you can save some time.

Transport: Your morels are your babies so take care of them as you would your own fungus offspring. Give your morels the golden chariot they deserve! A paper bag works best as it aids in the drying process from the get-go and doesn’t suffocate them in the way a plastic bag might. Also, try not to pile them up (as I did on my first go) as this crushes the tender babies at the bottom.

Found beneath a power line area- Power line fires can be a great place for burn morels in the PNW. — *Found beneath a power line area*- Power line fires can be a great place for burn morels in the PNW.

Drying: There are a few ways to dry out your mushrooms including; baking, freezing, and stringing them out on the clothesline. Yes, you run the risk of your home looking like a psychedelic shroom den, but why not embrace it? Your hair is already long from the salons being shut down, just throw on the bell bottoms, blast the Pink Floyd and call it a day.

Save the Remains: Use the leftovers after you’ve dusted and cut the ends to shower the areas of your property that might sprout morels next spring. This includes burn piles, campfires, or that space on your driveway that you wheel out of in your hot rod so fast that sparks fly.
(Then wait until spring of next year, referring back to Step 3.)

Cook em: Make them into anything! Morel meat pie, morel pasta, morel breakfast scramble, morel stew, morel hot pockets, morel pop tarts, morel ice cream - you name it! Be the Johnny Appleseed of fungus!

Quick Note: If you’re using dried morels, you simply need to refresh them in water for about 20 minutes, or until the mushrooms are soft, before using them. Make sure to retain their soaking liquid, which is full of morel flavor and is a wonderful addition to risotto, sauce, or soup.

And that’s IT!

Word to the Wise: When I first started drafting this article, I was a bright-eyed bushy-tailed mushroom hunter who’d found a glorious patch of morels on the first try. Since then, I have researched and tracked down five other locations (which have taken hours to reach) where conditions have not been up to the snooty sooty standards of this elusive mushroom and so have gone home with sulking and frustratingly empty hands. It isn’t easy and is often disappointing. But if you ever start to give up and think ‘this is pointless’, just remember, there are people out there trying to make it as actors in Hollywood. Yes, it’s an exhaustive process due to the amount of time, energy, diligence, perseverance, blood, sweat, tears, secrets, and deception, but it is all worth it for the rich harvest that you shall reap! Now, venture off mighty mushroom miners!